Juicing for Idiots (and backwards country types–like you-know-who . . .)

My sister recently gave me a juicer–a rash move on her part–as she was packing up for her move to the country. Poor Anne. She is probably missing her juicer sorely at this point, and regretting giving it away. I hope she doesn’t remember that she gave it to me because I’m really having fun using it. I’ve never had a juicer before.

Better check Mom’s house, sister. You probably gave it to her.

Until now, I’ve just squeeezed anything that I wanted juice out of, with my own country-strong calloused hands. But I love learning how to use a juicer. I mention it casually in conversation, just to show my friends and acquaintances just how hip I’ve become. Because juicing, as you know, Gentle Reader, is a thing, and has been for some time.

I’m a bit of a tightwad where pricey kitchen tools are concerned. I don’t own many. I have to really, really want it to spend the money. This is not a newsflash to my children: just yesterday, this happened:

Mack: (whipping away at some cream, with a hand whisk) “I wish that you . . . puff . . . would buy a mixer, Mom . . . . gasp . . . this would sure be easier . . . ”

me: “Shut up and whip the cream, kid. As long as I’ve got your strong little arms, don’t need no mixer, I reckon. That’s why we had you kids in the first place, to help with the tedious stuff, like whippin’ the cream. Anyway, I bought you that hand wisk, remember? Better than the fork you used to use, so quit yer whinin’.”

Amalia: "Can you tell me why, Mom, we are planting so many greens this year?" Me: "Yes. No. Um---I think so."

Amalia: “Can you tell me why, Mom, we are planting so many greens this year?”
Me: “Yes. No. Oh, be quiet and keep planting!

Amalia: (looking up from a washtub, brushing a damp curl out of her eyes, peering wearily out the window) “Looks like the neighbors are getting a new washing machine, Mom! Mayhaps we can trash-pick their old one? I’ll bet Timmy would come home to fix the wirin’ or whatever is ailin’ it!”

me: (snorting) “We don’t need no washing machine, girl, as long as that washtub don’t got no holes in it. Anyway, look how strong and purty you’re growing with all that exercise. You’re gonna make a fine wife someday, a wife what can get her family’s clothes clean without no fancy-schmancy washing machine.”

“Besides . . . then we’d have to get electricity (snort). Expensive stuff. Then we’d have to go and wake up Pa, and he’d have to git a job. No, thank you!

Amalia:  (muttering) “I’ll marry the first man what’ll promise me a washin’ machine.

Well. It was kinda like that. My kids would concur on the point that we work them half to death. 😉

Garrick Dee Tan is a master of juicing and has developed a website centered around it.

Garrick started juicing seven years ago, when his mom introduced him to it. Then he got busy and didn’t pay much attention to his health. When he got married and became more conscientious about taking care of his health, he decided to start juicing again. His mom gave him a juicer and he became very excited about how to use juicing in his daily diet. He started the website Juicing with G to share his journey with juicing.

Garrick shares his favorite juice recipes, common juicing mistakes, best juicing tools, etc., on his website. I spent some pleasant time this week perusing it, and am actually patting myself on the back for planting so many greens in my garden (Amalia: why are we planting so much kale and collards, Mom?) because I’ll have plenty of great green stuff for green juice later this summer.

Of course, if it doesn’t ever stop raining, I’ll regret not planting rice in those beds. 🙁 #timetobuildanark

Here’s Garrick’s handy infographic, and be sure to check out his website today! I just know that you’ll be glad you did.

Dirty Dozen Infographic

Intrigued? Once again, check out Garrett’s juicing website. You’ll learn a lot, too, and snatch up some great recipes and even grab a free ebook and lots of other goodies.

I always grow too much kale–and too many collards–and too many radishes–shoot, I grow too much of everything (but don’t tell the kids I admitted to this!). This summer, instead of fretting over canning and freezing the excess (or, in addition to) I’m going to learn more about juicing it!

me: “C’mon, kids, come drink yer juice. Yer Auntie gave us this fancy-schmancy juicer doohickey and by heck I’m gonna use it. It’s a shame, though, that I’ve got to hack into the neighbor’s electricity to power it.”

Amalia: “But I’m not done with the washin’ yet, Ma!”

me: “Good point. The juice ain’t goin’ anywhere, girl. Keep at it.”

hehee 🙂




12 thoughts on “Juicing for Idiots (and backwards country types–like you-know-who . . .)

  1. Jess Dunlap

    JUST bought my first very own juicer, even though I know NOTHING about juicing….just have heard about the amazing benefits 🙂 So very glad to read your post and learn some juicing tips! Thanks neighbor!

  2. Debra Degenhart

    Oh, this posts too funny! My family’s been juicing since the 1980’s! Favorites are carrot & wheatgrass or sugar beets & lime….

  3. Chef William Chaney

    We do have a juice and make fresh juice from time to time but we are more into smoothies where we use the whole fruit or vegetable including the skin in most cases. No loss of fiber that way. When we make a juice such as beet, carrot and apple, we save the skin that comes out the back of the juicer, add some chopped nuts and raisins, flour, seasonings and an egg and make some energy bars for later. You do know that you can get the gerbils of little Mac’s, hook up the gerbils tread mill to your juicer and if you get him to run fast enough you won’t need to steal electricity, which I know runs against your upbringing. Which brings up the question, Have you replaced the oil in your lamps with coconut oil? This is a mighty fine article coming from some barefoot back country folks such as yourself. As old Roy would say, “Just a Picken and a Grinnin” or something like that.

    1. dramamamafive Post author

      What? What? What? Replace the oil in my lamps with coconut oil? What an idee, Chef! I like your thrifty skin-saving ways, I must say! I don’t suppose you have a recipe for those energy bars, do you? It’s getting mighty warm to run the wood-fired cookstove during the middle of the day, but mayhaps I could still whip up a batch or two in the wee early morning hours. Those roosters wake me up awful early.

  4. Robin

    Ahhahahahaha I’m going to laugh all day! I had a juicer but it sat unused for so long that I gave it away. Now I wish I still had it… Might need to buy another!

    1. dramamamafive Post author

      Just wait a bit before you purchase a new one, Robin. Chances are, somebody will give you their juicer that they aren’t using . . . 😉

  5. Alana

    Haven’t visited your blog lately and now I can reveal why. See, I just got tired of that bicycle which I must pump and pump to get the power that charges the battery in my laptop. It’s just so much hard work after trying to extract juice out of those veggies with my bare hands. Oh, what, wait…there’s a machine for that? Seriously, you have some pretty dedicated readers here, what with making energy bars out of leftover skins and all. I enjoy green veggie juice our local supermarket demonstrates. They also put coconut water in theirs. But then husband reminded me that juice (as opposed to full veggies) have points on Weight Watchers. No washboard for us but we do have a hand powered beater! Good exercise for them kids; keep them workin’!

  6. Jebbica

    Thanks for sharing these! I personally have tried a lot of juicing recipes, but I never like any of them. I just don’t think I like to drink my vegetables unless it’s like a soup broth. But I like any kind of vegetable pulverized and made into a sauce like marinara…go figure! You should come share them on Friday at my link party-every Friday bloggers from all over come and share their healthy recipes or fitness posts for Food & Fitness Friday. Cheers!

    1. dramamamafive Post author

      That sounds like fun, Jebbica! Thanks for letting me know about your link party and I’ll try to participate this week. 🙂

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