“Put Down the Brown-n-Serve Rolls, Ma’am, and Nobody Will Get Hurt.”

It’s a holiday week, so it’s story time, Children. Sit down now, Loves, and listen.

It was 1990-something. It was Thanksgiving Day, and Bryan and I were getting ready to go over to his folks’ house for their Thanksgiving meal. Being the token nerd baker in the family, I had been asked to make a couple of pies and the rolls. The pies were done–I had labored over them the day before and I was hoping, praying, that they were good enough–but the rolls were weighing heavy on me, no pun intended. I was still quite young and feeling under the pressure to bring The Perfect Rolls to my in-laws’ Thanksgiving.

My mom did it all the time: she made the most fluffy, absolutely toothsome rolls. But I didn’t make rolls very often, and I knew that the possibility that the rolls would turn out dry, hard, over-baked, or over-risen and then fallen like pancakes, was quite real. Or burned to a crisp. Dropped onto the floor straight out of the oven and matted with dog hairs. All these scenarios had, in fact, happened.

No, I wasn’t born being able to bake bread with a tender crumb and a gorgeous crust. I’ve made my share of pies with crusts, by the way, that could crack the proverbial tooth.

Making all this stuff well takes practice, and plenty of it--and a bit of luck, as well. And also key to success in baked goods: undivided attention. Something I’m not very good at, by the way. *wince*

These are not your Brown and Serve Rolls.

These are not your Brown and Serve Rolls.

Back to my bleak situation on that particular day: I had, roughly, sixteen small infants and toddlers careening around my too-small kitchen with me, digging into drawers and opening cabinet doors and mewling for snacks and attention and filling their respective saggy diapers. Bryan had long ago driven off to fetch his brother–who would spend the day with us–from The City. He had left the sixteen mewling infants and toddlers home with me, presumably, to assist.

By the way, fathers of mewling infants and toddlers alike, everywhere: if you are in charge of fetching something or somebody, and your wife is in charge of making delicate pastries and breads, don’t assume that the infants and toddlers will be any help in the kitchen. Get them a book or a toy or a snack or all three, and take them with you. Trust me. As adorable and dewy-cheeked and meltingly-sweet as they can be, in the kitchen: they–will–not–assist.

So I was on my own–if you didn’t count the 16 small infants and toddlers . . . AND the dog in the midst, too, not to mention our three cats who wandered through and kept hopping up onto the countertop in turn, threatening to lick the butter that was sitting out. You think I’m exaggerating? Trust me. I’m not.

I was feeling a touch of discouragement, fighting bitterness that I was In This One Alone, and thankfulness hadn’t yet captured even a tiny corner of my heart. Yet. It was Thanksgiving Day.

What’s the Thanksgiving equivalent to “Bah, Humbug!”? “Oh, crumbs!” or perhaps “Jeepers, why me??” That is, I’m quite sure, what I was muttering–darkly, and often.

Can you picture this bleak scenario? Into the chaos–of course–the ‘phone rang. None of the sixteen children were tall enough to answer the ‘phone, and it was a trick to stumble through them all without stepping on anybody, to get to that ringing ‘phone. But I did it.

Yay, me.

It was my sister Anne, who often displays a remarkable and uncanny ability to sense the very second when I have reached my wit’s end, and then calls me and makes fun of me. Thus it was on this day. I piteously whined out my situation. “Bryan gone . . . all the kids need diaper changes . . . pie crusts are tough . . . still need to make rolls . . . why me??”

“Amy,” she said, cutting through to the chase. “Pick up some Brown and Serve Rolls on the way. The Millers won’t mind, in fact they won’t notice. They may even prefer them, you know. Heat them up when you get there, put them in a pretty basket, and boom. You’re done.”

I wavered, Elna blood running in my veins as it did. (And does.) Nothing but homemade would do, right?! Mom spits contempt on cake mixes. When we were kids, she fainted when we cried for boxed macaroni and cheese. She held rallies at the local grocery store to ban prepared foods of all kinds (not really, just teasing, Mom, I love you) when I was but a tot.

“Are you kidding me?” I croaked, sweeping a cat off the counter with one hand, and grabbing a toddler before he fell off a chair, with one fell swoop. “Brown and Serve?” My mouth tasted awful after saying the words. You know those rolls. They are cheap, they come in two colors–white and not quite so white–they come in a thin cardboard tray, slid into a plastic bag. I’m pretty sure there is no expiration date on the bag.

I looked around my kitchen. I still had to somehow wash piles of dishes and clean the counters of the pie-making mess that I had left the night before, and get all sixteen children ready for the trip to Bryan’s folks’ house. I noticed a baby up on the counter with another one of the cats, side by side licking the butter.

What a relief it would be to just pick up rolls from the store on the way . . . I felt a painful pang of guilt.

“Do it, Sister.” My sister urged. I bent. I did not resist. And, Gentle Readers, I did it.

I cleaned up the kitchen the best I could, changed and prepared all the children for the trip, packed a mountain of diaper bags, and commanded my bewildered husband to stop at the store for the rolls on the way. I wish you could have seen his face at that, but that, dear Gentle Reader, is another story. Suffice it to say: the day was not lost.

The rolls were . . . okay. I did brush a bit of melted butter on them and served them with Bryan’s mom’s homemade grape jelly, and as a conduit for butter and jelly, they were passable, though nobody raved about them. I don’t think anybody, in fact, made a single reference to them at all.

Those Brown and Serve Rolls were the 50-year-old housewife in the kitchen with a bunch of energetic 20-somethings. Invisible and not worth much of a comment, but nothing worth complaining about, either.

I did miss the glory I could have gained, if I had brought hot rolls made by my own hands, but not much. The thing was, I made it through the day with my sanity intact, which would not have been the case if I had made several dozen rolls from scratch–especially, in my roll newbieness if they had turned out awful–and then left the kitchen in a big mess to clean up later that night. In that case–with all the children and whatnot underfoot–it just wouldn’t have been worth it.

There are times when shortcuts are not appropriate, too: when showing your child how much you love him, for instance, lavish generosity is always appropriate. But in the matters of food . . .

That said. Gentle Reader. If I had known then what I know now, about how easy “bucket dough” is to make and how convenient it is to make bread and rolls out of it, I would have been in a much better place all the way around.

Even with the multitudes of children and animals dogging my every step, pulling a bucket of dough (or two) out of the ‘fridge and forming rolls and then baking them, would have been within my limited powers. Easily!

So this is my Thanksgiving week gift to you: my favorite “bucket dough” roll recipe. You can make this dough today–or tomorrow–or even the next day; put it into a lidded bucket, and sock it away into your refrigerator. When it’s time to make rolls (say, mid-morning on Thanksgiving Day), you simply pull out your bucket of dough and form the rolls, let them rest and rise for a short time while the oven is preheating, and then bake them. Slather them with melted butter right before you set them on the table. Voila.

No need, by the way, to let on to anybody how easy this is. Leave just a touch of flour on your forehead. Practice the weary look. Perhaps you’ll get out of dishes?

Easiest–rolls–ever. And totally worthy of lavish compliments. Here are a few pictures, just to coax you to try making them.

 

rollsbucket7

Dump your refrigerated dough out of the bucket onto a floured board . . .

 

Give it a flop in the flour, so it's well coated. . .

Give it a flop in the flour, so it’s well coated. . .

 

Pinch off a ball of dough a little bigger than a golf ball .  .

Pinch off a ball of dough a little bigger than a golf ball and  . . .

 

Give it a little squeeze so it's smooth and pretty . . .

. . . give it a little squeeze so it’s smooth and pretty . . .

 

Put it into your greased pan, and repeat.

Put it into your greased pan, and repeat.

 

Here I'm nearly half done!

Here I’m nearly half done!

 

Your rolls should be barely touching.

Your rolls should be barely touching.

 

When your pan is full, brush the rolls quickly with egg wash, and let rise.

When your pan is full, brush the rolls quickly with egg wash, and let rise.

 

Here's what they look like when they are baked. Ta-daa!

Here’s what they look like when they are baked. Ta-daa!

I have lots of roll recipes now, being the experienced baker that I am, but this is the easiest one, by far. And you’ll get plenty–plenty!–of glory points from these rolls, especially if you pull them out of the oven at the last minute, brush them with melted butter, and wrap them in a clean white tea towel, and serve. They really are as delicious as they look.

(So much better than the Brown and Serve.)

On to the recipe. Time’s a-wasting!

5.0 from 4 reviews
"Put Down the Brown-n-Serve Rolls, Ma'am, and Nobody Will Get Hurt."
Author: 
Recipe type: homemade rolls
Cuisine: These rolls are as easy to make as they are impressive to eat. Best hot out of the oven!
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 2-3 dozen
 
A bucket dough made richer with melted butter and eggs is perfect for making soft, silky rolls, which are a dandy accompaniment for any meal! They can be ready in a pinch, if the dough is made the day before and stored in the refrigerator.
Ingredients
  • 1¾ cup lukewarm water
  • 1 Tb granulated yeast
  • 1 Tb salt
  • 4 large eggs, lightly beaten
  • ½ cup honey
  • ½ cup unsalted butter, melted
  • 5½ cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 cup whole wheat flour, (white whole wheat is preferred)
  • ½ cup wheat germ or wheat bran
  • Egg wash (1 egg beaten with 1 Tb water)
Instructions
  1. Mix yeast, salt, eggs, honey, and melted butter with the water in a 6-quart bowl or a bucket with a lid.
  2. Mix in flour without kneading, using a Danish whisk, wooden spoon, or stand mixer.
  3. Cover (not airtight) and allow to rest at room temperature until dough rises and collapses, approximately two hours.
  4. The dough can be used immediately, but it will be easier to handle if you refrigerate it at least two hours, and up to one week.
  5. On baking day: Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
  6. Pinch off pieces of dough (gold-ball-sized, or a bit larger) with your greased hands, and quickly shape into balls and place in greased cake pan, barely touching. Brush with egg wash.
  7. Allow to rest for 20 minutes.
  8. Bake until golden brown on top, and firm on the bottom, about 20 minutes.
  9. Brush with melted butter and serve while hot.
  10. Prepare for adulation and sincere compliments!

 

By–the–way, a dear friend of mine (and fellow blogger) has teased me mercilessly about looking down my nose at easy-peasey desserts and such, and yet she still had the courage to post this recipe. It looks to be a good one, by the way, even though it does use a cake mix (*gasp*) and I intend to make it very soon. Of course I’ll have to shop for the cake mix someday when Mom’s not with me . . . I hope you check it out, too!

Also. I’ll be linking up with those congenial folks over at The Prairie Homestead this week. Undoubtedly they’ll have lots of cool things going on over there. They always do! Come on over and learn something new with me!

I love you guys! *hugs*

28 thoughts on ““Put Down the Brown-n-Serve Rolls, Ma’am, and Nobody Will Get Hurt.”

  1. Amy Bovaird

    Loved your story, Amy!
    Did you run a day-care center out of your house? How is it that it operated on Thanksgiving?
    Love your title and the humor in it, especially the line about the cat and the baby both licking the butter. It made me laugh. Can just visualize the scene in your house! You sound so much like me!
    Will try your rolls and think of you!
    Amy

    1. dramamamafive Post author

      Amy, I was just exaggerating about the 16 children . . . also, the number was probably closer to (cough) THREE, but they were these ages: baby, age 3, and age 5, so of course it FELT like 16 . . .

  2. Nathana Clay (theengagedhome.com)

    I love the story! I am like you, I always think the rolls should be homemade, and if I buy them, I feel lack-luster. However, neither my grandparents (who are all about making things from scratch) or my husband’s family ever make homemade rolls for the holidays. Weird.

    Well, when I host (If there are not too many children underfoot) I will try and make them homemade! I have a couple recipes I really love for rolls, though your recipe sounds AMAZING. I do like the idea of wheat germ or bran, it sounds healthy. I just have to go find some! Would any dough recipe work in a bucket, or just this recipe? My husband made homemade rolls a couple weeks ago that were delicious. And they only took 30 minutes! I have always been the baker, while he prefers cooking, but he may surpass my skills altogether soon!

    I guess I need to buy some ice cream so we have a bucket before I make tons of dough . . . 😉

    1. dramamamafive Post author

      Nathana, you can find lots more about “bucket dough” on my website, and also on the Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day website. Blessed Thanksgiving to you!

  3. Chef William Chaney

    Great article. I do know the problems of having many little feet in the kitchen when trying to cook. However, very early on, I explained to my loving wife that none of the children were to enter the kitchen when I was cooking or I would leave the kitchen not to return. Well you know how that worked, the wife always has the final say as to things like that,. So I just dodged the kids, kept a glass of red wine in the working area and got on with the tasks at hand. Lucky for me, my wife made the home made tortillas so rolls were not a problem. Have a wonderful holiday.

  4. Joan Harrington

    Hi Amy,

    Great post and loved your story girl!!! Thank you for sharing your recipe for these yummy looking brown and serve rolls, especially for the holidays 🙂

    I always enjoy reading your posts, makes me smile all the time 🙂

    Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!!

    God Bless,
    Joan

  5. Barbara

    Whew! And you had already made pies the day before. Homemade from scratch is always best especially because you know all the wholesome ingredients going in, but easy peasy is so necessary in a pinch.
    Have a blessed Thanksgiving <3

  6. Carrie Ann Tripp

    Trying again. It says I’ve already made this comment, but I can’t see it.

    Totally cracking up at this one! Been there done that! This year I have some stress going on, and I have chosen to take two easy side dishes and cranberry relish. Typically I take a fancy-schmancy dessert that takes hours and/or days to make. Not this year. I need a holiday. Not a pat on the back for making something that will simply be eaten in five minutes or left over and pitched because it was so sweet no one could eat more than a small bite at a time.

    I love to make homemade bread, but I’ve never tried rolls.

    1. dramamamafive Post author

      Carrie,
      You are such a trooper to try again! I don’t know why my blog has been misbehaving with the comments, but I’ll talk to my techie and see if he can find any glitch in there on my end. I agree with you, that some years it’s just a relief to do something really simple. Besides, at Thanksgiving there are always SO MANY beautiful choices that sometimes the glorious offerings get ignored, anyway! 😉

  7. Alana(@RamblinGarden)

    Thank you (again!) for posting my Easiest Chocolate Cake ever, although it truly isn’t my original recipe (except for the egg whites), and would you believe it, my mother in law, who is an excellent cook, read it on my blog (did I mention she’s 86 and read it on her iPhone?) is actually making it for Thanksgiving dinner? Anyway, I would have lost your mind in said situation. It brought back a memory of entertaining my active toddler son in the kitchen – I about lost my hearing from all the pots and pans he made music on. (and no, he didn’t go on to become a drummer.)

    1. dramamamafive Post author

      Alana,
      As I stated earlier, there weren’t actually 16 toddlers in the kitchen with me . .. it just felt like it. 😉 I have lots of pictures of my littles in the kitchen with me. I really did enjoy having them in there with me, though it slowed me down a LOT.

  8. Mary

    My mother would bake bread every Monday. Religiously. Every one loved her bread. This was long before the time of bread machines. It was all done by hand. The kneading, the punching, the rolling… And then one day she discovered Rhodes Frozen dough. She was in a time crunch as we were hosting Thanksgiving at our house again (no less than 50 people to feed) She quietly used the Rhodes for her rolls, and no one was the wiser.

  9. Dorit Sasson

    Great story. Thanks for sharing. These rolls remind me a bit of challah dough. I wish I had more time to prepare challah dough as it can be so time consuming but the stories live on. We eat our way through stories!
    Dorit Sasson
    author of Accidental Soldier: What My Service in the Israel Defense Forces Taught Me about Faith, Courage and Love

    1. dramamamafive Post author

      I agree, Dorit, about eating our way through stories. So much of the foods that are our favorite include stories. I jot down stories and anecdotes, as a matter of fact, in my recipe books. This dough is very similar to challah dough: melted butter and eggs make the rolls very light and rich. (Yum.)

  10. Angela Dawn

    I love your blog! Every time I browse it I’m amused, and encouraged! I have an 18 mo. old and a 4 week old infant and this is a busy season. I love to make things from scratch, both for the health benefits and the praise 🙂 but there is a time to appreciate the convenience of being able to pick up something ready-made! I need that reminder.

    The bucket dough does look easy, though! I’ll have to give it a try one of these days…

    1. dramamamafive Post author

      Oh Angela, wait until the littles are bigger. There’s no shame in buying the Brown-and-Serve rolls, especially if it means that you get a little nap in. Which, undoubtedly, you need! Blessings!

  11. cookinmom

    Oh Amy, Thank you!! I did check out the two different books for the no-knead bread at the library, BUT, I still like your recipes better!! :0) I plan to make monkey bread with this recipe over the holidays. Looks delish…can’t wait! Is this what you use for yours? Tks again, blessings.

  12. cookinmom

    Oh, I plan to freeze these…place them on a pan individually and freeze? Then place in a ziploc and freeze? My monkey bread recipe takes frozen rolls and is placed overnight on the counter to rise and then in the morning, baked.

  13. Krista

    I find myself using brown and serve rolls as a base to whatever I feel like making as a bread side. For example, there was a super sale on brown and serve rolls making them ridiculously cheap, and I bought several packages. I ended up making various different variations ranging from a sweet cinnamon dessert roll to a garlic cheese roll. Plain brown and serve rolls are boring, and rather it is so much better to have homemade rolls, if you can get them cheap enough, you can doctor them up into something spectacular. Either way, I do love a fresh homemade roll.

    I can’t wait to try your recipe, as I love baking bread, but I am no where near the master of bread making! My last rolls were delicious, but so dense, they could’ve been a biscuit!!

    1. dramamamafive Post author

      Krista, I agree that those rolls can be dressed up and nobody’s the wiser! But if you do try my easy-peasy recipe and actually like them better than the B&S, I’d love to hear back from you!!

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